Buddhist Marketer

Elsewhere: Gubmint, Career Nirvana, Slothy Content

Killing time while waiting for the cops to show up so that I can fill out a police report.  So, here you go!

• How should governments use web 2.0?  Add your ideas!
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Just called them AGAIN and they haven’t even dispatched anyone yet.  I mean skeeriously.

Twenty Steps to Career Bliss

“I lost my job, but let’s be honest, I didn’t really love it anyway.”

I’ve heard this often (perhaps even from you).  I heard it while running DinnerGrrls.org.  I’ve heard it while moderating or participating on career panels.  And I’ve struggled mightily to find happiness in my own career path.

Many people have asked my advice regarding what they should do with their lives.  Now that the economy is adjusting back to something that more realistically reflects what we can afford in the absence of temporally manipulative financial vehicles, the advice requests have picked up steam.

Here’s my checklist for how you can figure out what to do with your life.

1. Center yourself.  Turn off your iTunes.  Try to find a room that isn’t too cluttered.  Remain standing.  Close your eyes.  Put your hands in the air above your head.  Breathe deeply, pushing your belly in and out with your diaphragm (think Kundalini yoga).  Clear your mind.
2. Ask yourself what you enjoy doing. While standing and breathing, move your thoughts towards that which you enjoy doing.  Do not focus this on money-making endeavors. Let yourself recall anything and everything that brings you joy.  This is not the time for censoring!  Once your mind is travelling in this direction, write these down on as big of a piece of paper that you can find.  The more you like something, the bigger you should write it!  These are activities that, in econo-speak, are those from which you derive maximal utility.  Put a nice big heart on this paper somewhere.  Me?  I like thinking about stuff, particularly identifying patterns and connections.  I also love reading and writing.  How about you?  Write it down.  Tape this page to the wall.
   1. I really like to:
3. Ask yourself what you do not enjoy doing. Again, do not censor the shape that these ideas take, but find a fresh piece of paper and repeat step two.  These are the activities from which you derive minimal utility.  Me?  I don’t enjoy being rushed, and I don’t enjoy collaborating.  Don’t get me wrong — I love brainstorming and ideation.  But when it comes to executing, I need to be in my own little corner.  But enough about me.  What do you dislike?  Again, write it down on a piece of paper.  Draw a heart and then an ‘X’ over it so you can recognize this sheet as your catalog of dislikes.  Slap it onto the wall opposite your heart paper.
   1. I do not like to:
4. What’s been your favorite experience in a job thus far?  Why? Write this down (you can use a regular-sized paper now).  Try to be as specific as possible.  For me, my favorite experience was my weekly meetings with my Citi team.  Those guys were great, and I really loved trying to figure out what it was that each of them enjoyed doing and how I could channel this into opportunities for their exposure to the right people within the company.  I enjoyed helping them to see the political angle to nearly everything and trying to figure out ways to build their brands and ultimately get them promoted.  I found this gratifying because I like to help people.  I like to feel that I’ve made a difference.  So write down your favorite experience and why, put a big smiley-face on the page, and put this page on your maximal utility wall.
   1. My favorite moment in my career thus far has been:
   2. This is because:
5. What’s been your worst experience in a job?  Why? Some of you may be able to think of one single searing-hot incident; others may find that your worst experience took the form of slow-burn drudgery.  Both types are valid but be sure to pick one and most importantly be honest with yourself as to why.  My worst experience was as General Manager of the Social Network at Beliefnet.com.  On paper, the job was perfect for me:  it tapped into my talents as a manager, exploited nearly every corner of my marketing knowledge, and I brought to the table skills that no one else within the organization seemed to have.  But I was unable to navigate the needs and workstyle of the person to whom I reported, and I felt like a grave failure because of this.  I couldn’t satiate the demands of, or fix, this human being.  Consider your worst experience and why, write it down, draw a frowny-face, and put it onto your minimal utility wall.
   1. My worst experience in my career thus far has been:
   2. This is because:
6. What are you uniquely good at? This is your comparative advantage.  Toss it about in your own head, and then call three different trusted friends, mentors or colleagues and ask them.  Try your best not to lead them with your own theory about what you’re uniquely good at.  Whatever you do, do not ask your family.  In fact, try and only ask people who’ve only known you post-puberty.  People who’ve once changed your diaper and/or remember what a piss-ant you were during tee-ball are unlikely to be able to see the adult you with much clarity.  Try your best not to react to their feedback:  you need to try and create a safe space for them to let their honest opinions fly.  If you feel yourself getting defensive, remember that they’re genuinely trying to be helpful.  If you need help getting this conversation started, try, “I need your help on something.  I’m taking this opportunity to reflect on my interests and values, and I need your thoughts on my talents, especially how my talents compare with others you’ve met in your lifetime.  I really value your opinion.  What do you think I’m uniquely good at?  What would you say sets me apart from other people you know?”  Me personally?  If I scan my LinkedIn recommendations the hints are there, and they’re vetted by conversations I have with friends — but it’s oftentimes difficult for me to really hear what they’re saying, if you get my drift.  But apparently I am smarter, more creative, and a little crazier (in a good way — so they say to my face) than the average bear.  Assemble all of these thoughts about your own comparative advantage onto a piece of paper with your name written on it in big and bold letters.  Put this onto your maximal utility wall.
   1. I am uniquely qualified at:
   2. (or) I’m better than most people at:
7. What are your weaknesses?  You don’t need to consult your Quorum of Three for this.  In fact, doing so may make them uncomfortable.  You probably have a sense of your weaknesses but for reminders, think of things that your closest friends or lovers have yelled at you during an argument.  Or think back to the portions of annual workplace evaluations that’ve stung the most.  You need to write your weaknesses down.  Write them down in really small font and with a light hand. Write your name on it too, softly, lightly.  I think you know which wall this page goes.  Me?  I’m too quick to get defensive.  I’m always ready to point out how stupid something is.  I can be a perfectionist control freak.  Meh.
   1. I am not very good at:
8. Identify your top five activities.  Now you’re going to refine your big list of maximal utility activities and find the five from which you derive maximum utility.  Put them in order.  Number them on your sheet and circle them or otherwise highlight them so that they stand out.
   1. My favorite activity is to:
   2. My second favorite activity is to:
   3. My third favorite is to:
   4. My fourth favorite is to:
   5. My fifth favorite activity is to:
9. Identify your five most loathed activities.  We’re now ferreting for minimum utility activities, activities that you’d like to avoid at all costs.  Put them in order, number them, and highlight them on the existing sheet.
   1. My most loathed activity is to:
   2. My second most loathed activity is to:
   3. My third is to:
   4. My fourth is to:
   5. My fifth is to:
10. Assess the Maximal Wall.  Read aloud your top five activities, your favorite experience in a job, and why (steps two and four).
11. Assess the Minimal Wall.  Read aloud your bottom five activities, your worst experience in a job and why, and your weaknesses (steps three, five, and seven).
12. Re-work your comparative advantage.  Look at it (step six).  Read it.  How does it sound?  Does it still have resonance? Tweak as needed and replace comparative advantage 1.0.
    1. I am uniquely good at:
13. Take a time out. Even if you’ve been doing this over the course of a few weeks and not all at once, right now you definitely need to quiet your mind before proceeding.  Go for a run, head to yoga, make yourself a complicated meal, or otherwise distract yourself.  Do not proceed to step 14 until at least 24 hours have passed from the conclusion of step 12.
14. Repeat step one, then craft your hypothetical career. What will you be doing in ten years?  Five?  In three?  In order to get to that place, what do you need to be doing right now?  Even if you’re not doing “the now” right very now, write it down as if you are!  This puts you in an action state of mind.
    1. In ten years I will be:
    2. In five years I will be:
    3. In three years I will be:
    4. In order to create these opportunities, right now I am:
15. Gut-check.  Re-read aloud steps two through five.  Now read your comparative advantage from step 12.  Does your comparative advantage still feel right? If not, revise:
    1. I am uniquely qualified to:
    2. In ten years I will be:
    3. In five years I will be:
    4. In three years I will be:
    5. In order to create these opportunities, right now I am:
16. Test drive. Attend a social event populated mostly by people that you don’t know terribly well or not at all.  Right now, you’re looking for blank slates.  They’ll allow you to feel most comfortable trying on something new; people who know you already will want you to continue to conform to their current perception of you.  I found a Meet-Up of Yale Entrepreneurs and am taking advantage of the holiday social season to continue to try out my marketer-transitioning-into-academic pitch.  When people ask you what you do, try out the hypothetical.  “Right now I’m …”  If they seem interested, then you can share what your longer-term goals are.  Note during your test drive how the ‘right now I am’ sentence feels during its delivery, and how the longer-term goals feel.  The first few times might seem awkward, but keep on throughout the event, and stay mindful and aware of how announcing your hypothetical new career makes you feel.
17. Take a time out. 24 hours off, again.  You need to incorporate the feelings that your test drive will bring up before you can come to a conclusion about it.
18. Gut check re-dux. Re-read aloud steps two through five.  Now read your latest comparative advantage.  Does it still feel right? If not, revise.  Do the same for your hypothetical.
    • I am uniquely qualified to:
    • In ten years I will be:
    • In five years I will be:
    • In three years I will be:
    • In order to create these opportunities, right now I am:
19. Call the Quorum of Three.  Run your stranger-tested hypothetical by your three trusted friends from step six.  What do they say?  Try to hear their feedback with open ears, an open mind, and an open heart. Take notes!
20. Reiterate steps 16 - 19 until your hypothetical feels comfortable.  You may need to try taking a few steps in the direction of your hypothetical future before you know if it feels right.  This is okay!

But now you have your hypothesis about what to do with your life.  Go test it.  Advance confidently!  And if you’re burdened by an inner voice that’s telling you you’re an impostor, tell that voice to shove it.  Fake it ’til you make it, baby.

1. Quietly assemble your walls into innocuous maximal and minimal folders if need be.
2. Refer to them as often as needed.   (Add a monthly recurring meeting on your calendar if needed!)
3. Revise it as your journey progresses.
4. Keep me posted.

To aid you on your journey, download and print the ‘Twenty Steps to Career Bliss‘ guide.

xoxo

DinnerGrrls.org article in the Yale Daily News

Women’s mentoring group thrives

Two years after graduation, Anittah Patrick ‘99 missed the women in her life.

“My entire life, I’ve played competitive sports, so I’ve always had a team of girls,” Patrick said. “At Yale I was on the crew team for a year and was very close to those girls down the road.”

After college, Patrick said, that network of women disappeared. So last summer, Patrick decided to create a new kind of team for herself, not in the sweaty confines of a gym, but in the exuberant neon haze of New York night life.

She called the group “DinnerGrrls.”

The group, which began as a social bond among young professional women, has metamorphosed into a multilayered mentoring organization for undergraduate and newly graduated women alike.

“DinnerGrrls met my subconscious need for sisters, women who were interested in the same things, were ambitious, and were thinking about their careers and how they could improve it,” Patrick said.

This month, Patrick expanded the support system to include Yale undergraduates through a mentoring program she calls “Two Years Out.” The new program connects female undergraduates with recently graduated women.

Patrick said when she was at Yale, she rarely asked for help from anyone.

“I rarely went to any of my advisors,” Patrick said. “I know that when I was a Yale student, it was hard for me to accept the notion that I could be mentored.”

Patrick said the DinnerGrrls mentoring program for undergraduates is not so much about asking for help as being able to bounce ideas off another person who has been through it all before.

Christine Chung ‘03 was one of half-a-dozen Yale students to accept the DinnerGrrls offer to connect her with a mentor. “I’m realizing that I only have 3 semesters left, and guidance from people who have already gone through it would be helpful,” Chung said.

Patrick added the first quasi-mentoring layer to DinnerGrrls in August, when she began to feel that something was missing in a group limited to women of one age and experience.

“My mom was a stay-at-home mom and had no idea about careers or anything,” Patrick said. “There’s only so many things I can turn to my dad about. He’s never dealt with the question, ‘If I don’t get into business school this year, when am I going to have babies and make a million bucks?’”

So Patrick began inviting DinnerGuests — women who had “been out [of college] five to 10 years or who had advanced degrees who could offer insight about their career development in general” — to serve as a mentors for an evening.

“They’ve been really honest about how if you want to be a partner at a firm, you can’t have kids. Having it all is really a mess,” Patrick said. “Having them say this is, on the one hand, unsettling, but on the other hand reassuring because if you don’t have it, you’re not a failure.”

Michelle Peluso, the chief executive officer of an online travel company called State 59.com, spoke as a DinnerGuest in the fall. She said the intimate setting allowed the group to dig into the challenges they faced as women balancing work with life.

“They’re asking not just how do I get to the top of my career, but how do I as a woman also still contribute to the community, still have strong family and friend relationships,” Peluso said. “While it’s not only a female challenge, it’s certainly something females have been thinking about for a long time.”

Stella Daily, a 2000 Princeton graduate, is one of 50 DinnerGrrls and Chung’s new mentor.

Daily said one of the best pieces of advice she’s gotten from the DinnerGuests who have served as mentors to her is that “being ballsy pays off.”

“I think women tend to accept defeat more easily than guys do,” Daily said.

Daily said she was inspired by one of the DinnerGuests who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“She was talking about was how she broke into her field,” Daily said. “She basically went to McKinsey and demanded an interview. She’s a consultant at McKinsey, so obviously it worked.”

Patrick said she hopes DinnerGrrls can continue to provide this kind of steely inspiration for all the women involved.

“[My mom] abandoned her idea of becoming a doctor when she was 12,” Patrick said. “Who knows what could have been if my mom had had a group that she could turn to.”