Buddhist Marketer

This Is Not A Blog Post

Just ordered some Amtrak tickets.  The confirmation email:

Okay, well … maybe you could change your “from” email address to reservations @ amtrak.com … ?

Just, um, tossing out ideas.

Next: Partying With The Nigerian Prince Who Needs $5M

On the morning of Monday, February 2 I had the unpleasant experience of receiving an unsolicited email from a stranger whose .sig file indicated he was a “Financial Advisor”.  Groan. The email, whose subject line was “Hope the Weekend Was Well!”  [note exclamation point], started as follows:

Good Morning!

Here is an article that I thought might interest you from this morning’s Wall Street Journal. If you have any questions about municipals or alternative investments, feel free to give me a call!

Smelling a fish, and being a pain, I replied with:

Do I know you?  Have we met?  Or, is this spam?

A couple of hours later, he replied with:

Hi Anittah.

No we’ve never met.  I actually got access to a number of Yale Law graduates through a website and your e-mail address was on the list.  I found it because one of my clients is a Yale Law graduate and he gave me some pointers as to where I could find some contact information.  So no, it isn’t spam, haha.  I am an actual person but I certainly didn’t mean to impose.  I do financial planning for attorneys, mostly, and I’m looking to build my business.  Now is a perfect time to do that.  Are you currently working with anyone?

-”Bob”

PS - Cool website.

Now, it so happens that as Class Sec’y one of my email addresses is somewhere listed in the bowels of the Yale University webospherez.  As a result, I am the unfortunate target of many a solicitation general, from “sweaters embroidered with Y’s” to “villas on the Mediterranean coast” to “my cute little indie film about California wines” that “my classmates would be sure to enjoy and could I forward the information along?”  Gag me with a spoon.  And puhleez; I know how “Bob” got the info and I do not approve and yes, unless someone has proactively opted in to your little mailing list, I don’t care if you’re human, you can’t act like a robot-o and scrape content off the bowels of the Yale University webospherez and think that’s not against the law.  (Note: further research indicated that the email that I opened was actually the second email from him.)

But I digress.  And surely “Bob” had no idea that he was emailing an email marketer.  So I replied, partially at this point just messing with him:

I’m not a lawyer.  I didn’t attend Yale Law.

Ever the pushy salesman, he replied:

Wow that’s weird.  Sorry to have imposed.  I mean if you’re looking for assistance in financial planning, certainly keep me in mind.  Otherwise, I’m sorry.  I’ll remove your name from the list if you’d like.   Maybe the website was in regard to Yale undergrad alums?  Haha, something to do with Yale, at least!

Well at least he isn’t sorry if I am looking looking for assistance in financial planning!

However, I remained unamused, and wanting to teach this clown a lesson for spamming my fellow Yalies, while also accusing them of being lawyers:

Yes, remove me.  Not only a violation of CAN-SPAM but also socially egregious.

Fast forward several weeks, and who should I run to at an event at the Williams club?  None other than “Bob”, who is attending a mixer for his Midwestern high school (as it turns out, my boyfriend’s alma mater).  He recognizes my name and my mug shot and introduces himself.  He’s a very nice kid and a bit of a rookie, so hopefully my hazing was the email equivalent of a wedgie, and hopefully he’ll think twice before he starts firing off unsolicited emails to people whose contact info he scraped off the bowels of the Yale University webospherez.

“Bob”!  Good luck to you and your financial planning.  See ya at the next Ignatius shindig.  And think twice before hitting send, you little scamp!

Zach Thompson, your email marketing skillz are on point

Exhibit A: A photograph of me, taken three years ago in Brooklyn. Note the verbiage screened on my shirt.

(”I heart Power Tools” for the un-Lasikked amongst us.)

Exhibit B: An email I read today. Note the italicized, bold-faced greeting.

(”Dear Power Tool Fan” in case you missed it.)

Zach Thompson, you need a new title.   You’re not just a dutiful ambassador of DeWALT Marketing Research.  You’ve got x-ray eyeballs into my soul!

Email template best practices

I beg of you — and by you I mean all email marketers be they multi-nationals or not-for-profit entities — to kill the two-column email with a quickness. Please don’t make your readers scroll down and then up and then down and then up again.

I like the NFP outed above, have given them loot and was incredibly impressed by their founder (a Friend of Raoul (TM)), but ooooh how I wish I could hammer into their .html and rejigger s.t. column count = 1

* sigh *