Buddhist Marketer

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2009’s Most Poopular Posts

Fifth place actually went to a post in which I skewered a former roommate for ruining my curtains, but since he reached out, I have since password-protected the post.  So the new fifth place goes to:

#5. Free Universal Healthcare. Doctor’s Orders.

my commie pinko friend Cameron on Fox Biz as he drops some knowledge regarding why we need universal healthcare at no cash cost.

#4. Fresh Air Fund Taps Bloggers To Spread The Word

let’s pretend that the campaign’s goals were to drive donations (which it isn’t, but I’m being generous): the donation page has no clear “call to action”. Give us a form, people! Create a stand-alone splash page! Too! Many! Places! To! Click!

#3. Collaborative GRE Analytical Writing Scoring

Perhaps, then, the way to approach matters of happiness prerequisites is:  “Only once one stops looking for it can one feel true happiness.”

#2. Marketing Is Still Marketing

So, a year ago, The People wanted Hot Sex On A Platter, and that’s what American Apparel served up.  But now, The Moody People consider that untoward.  A recent cartoon in The New Yorker captured this mood swing nicely: “I’m trying not to flaunt my employment, so I’m not carrying a briefcase these days.”  What do The People want today? They want to feel like the companies with whom they transact aren’t a bunch of greedy douchebaggy corporate welfare recipients.

#1. (Situational) condescension is a moral obligation

the language I speak is often at odds with the language spoken by the dominant status quo — and by definition, the middle chunk of the Bell curve is the dominant status quo. And the dominant language is one that makes others feel good about themselves, gently persuades them to agree that 1+1=2, and blows sunshine up their grade-inflated, “Hooray For Everything”, if-it-weren’t-for-Spanx-it-would-occupy-four-zip-codes backsides.

Oh dear.  What goodies shall 2010 bring?  Will people even read blogs any more?  Or all we all too busy crafting clever replies to our friends’ status updates?

In Other URLs

Other stuff by yours truly:

• Music, memory, and British chicks
• How to organize your AdWords keywords
• Pretty notebooks; Neruda’s “Childhood and Poetry”

Let us wish 2009 a gentle good bye.

Dear Santa Claus

I have worked very hard this year and despite the fact that I don’t grow as rapidly as I used to, would still like some new toys for my non-denominational Christmas celebration.  I have conducted extensive research and a thorough needs assessment in order to whittle my list down to three items:

1. Redken Real Control Conditioner.  Because cranky, difficult-to-manage ethnic girls with cranky, difficult-to-manage hair need intensely nourish and moisturize our high-maintenance hair.
2. Redken Extreme Anti-Snap leave-in treatment.  Because, as you know, a dark-haired girl who gets highlights will have difficulty growing out her hair if it keeps breaking off and stuff.
3. Redken Dandruff Control Leave-In Treatment.  This way, if my scalp feels itchy in a spot but I just got my hair did, I don’t need to ruin my ‘do by washing it with Pureology’s DandruffScalpCure for color-treated hair.

By the way, you may want to get your mitts onto Redken for Men’s mint rush hair and body wash to detoxify your skin after flying around in the air all night long …

Love,

Anittah’s hair

Help Me Rebrand Socialism?

I enjoyed a talk by Chris Hedges, Pulitzer prize-winning journalist and author of Empire of Illusion, yesterday evening.  During the Q&A, he explained Socrates’ concerns about the book (Socrates was worried about the written word’s negative impact on society versus the oral tradition):

Striving for a moral life is ambiguous.  It cannot be codified.  It becomes orthodoxy when these discussions are written down.

Yes.  Yes of the Stephen Carter “bumper sticker democracy is bad” variety.

His talk was so thought-provoking that I may have to noodle on a marketing campaign for socialism.

Incoming

Took a moment to kick the tires of Google analytics just now; here are some amusing searches that have lead seekers to this blog:

• do buddhists sleep on the floor
• how would a buddhist fix health care
• how to solve social awkwardness
• little debbie donut sticks weight watcher points
• joe jaffe idiot
• oh you can’t get to heaven verses
• what does katherine newbegin shoot with?

Mmmm…  Little Debbie Donut Sticks ….

1. You do not have to sleep on the floor if you are Buddhist
2. But please take your shoes off at the door
3. And don’t point your feet at me

:)

Elsewhere: Gubmint, Career Nirvana, Slothy Content

Killing time while waiting for the cops to show up so that I can fill out a police report.  So, here you go!

• How should governments use web 2.0?  Add your ideas!
• Are you happy to be doing what you do, professionally?
• Content creators:  is your content lazy?  Click here to fix!

Just called them AGAIN and they haven’t even dispatched anyone yet.  I mean skeeriously.

Cool Stuff @ Macy’s

Just in time for my birthday, Macy’s is having a birthday sale of their own.  These things caught my eye, and if I had spending cash, I’d probably buy ‘em :)

• Purple cable-knit v-neck sweater, $34.98.  I am feeling purple these days.
• Purple Casio G-Shock, $99.  A blonde freshman from Long Island had a G-Shock in my french class first semester junior year, and I have wanted one ever since. (similar)
• Pink crystal heart pendant, $29.99 - 20% = $24.01 (similar)

• Keurig K-Cup Carousel, $19.99 - 15% = $16.99

• Espana earthenware breadbasket in Pearl, $19.99 - 15% = $16.99. I’m using a lot of crochet trim in my new crib and this would be a nice place to put oranges, methinks.

• Lenox Chirp china.  Four piece place setting $99 - 15% = $84.15

Of course, this is all academic. :)

One thing: Macy’s mailers do not align with their website — hence me having to link to “similar” items.  Memo to direct mailers:  make sure your website contains products you’re hawking in your mailer. Not being able to find the exact products on your website that you feature so lushly in your DM piece makes me think the products won’t be in stock.  Bad idea jeans!

Coming To Times Square

She heard I was moving to Midtown, so my big sister decided to put herself on a big ad that’ll be playing in Times Square in November.

Awww, just to be closer to her li’l sis! How sweet :)

Click here to learn more the American Association of People with Disabilities.

This Is My Brain On Tape

You didn’t think I was going to die before trying my hand at podcasting, did you?  Pshaw!

Names dropped:

• Laura Allen, Founder, 15SecondPitch.com
• Emily Bell, Co-Founder, Young Professionals for CARE - NYC
• Damon Bethel, EVP of Strategic Planning; Biz Dev, DBG
• Anthony Bourdain, Author, “Kitchen Confidential“
• Joanna Breen, EVP Production, Touchstorm
• Victor Frankl, Author, “Man’s Search for Meaning”
• Bill Harvey, SVP; General Manager of OpenTV Research
• Dave Jackson, SVP Advertising Sales, Grab Networks
• Joanne Lipman, Founding Editor, “Portfolio”
• Jack Mason, Social Media Strategist, IBM
• Mary Miller, Dean, Yale College
• Dan McKillen, President & CEO of HealthDay
• Sharon Melnick, SharonMelnick.com
• Mark Ranalli, President & CEO of Helium
• Todd Sokolove, BewareOfTheBlog.Blogspot.com
• Rachel Weiss, NYCBabylon.Blogspot.com
• Ralphie, Character, “A Christmas Story”